Monday, May 20, 2013

Goodbye, my friend.

I don’t want to say a lot, but I want to say something about the only other creature I ever liked: Rizzo. 

I arrived at my home and it was full of scary humans everywhere and I thought I found a friend in Milo. But then I met Rizzo so I kicked Milo to the curb. And from that day on we were inseparable. He licked me when I was dirty, he let me eat the lion’s share of his expensive diet food, he didn’t get annoyed when I followed him 24/7 crying and bumping into him and flaunting myself around shamelessly. 

I’ll still cry around the house and flaunt myself shamelessly, but know it’s all for you old friend.


Sunday, March 10, 2013

Breaking News! Well.. sort of breaking.

So guess what I just heard yesterday! One of the people from my house is getting married!!!! Can you believe that?! Not even the good one! It’s the one that never wants to run after me as I cry and shimmy my tail as I prance away. Hold on… let me find a picture.

THIS one!

Who does she think she is?! Miss “I’m sooo accoomplished with my awards and my successful relationship”

Apparently this has been news for some time, but I don’t really pay attention to the goings on of things that don’t orbit around me.

Anyway, being the giving and amazingly kind loving soul that I am, I’ve decided to throw her a getting married party. Is that what they’re called? Is there a better name for that…? Anyway, that’s what it is. So that’s what I’ll call it. Any excuse for a party! First things first: a venue. I’ve already narrowed it down to three.

Joe’s Crab Shack. Just look at the party atmosphere! I hear they have giant sombreros!

Le’ Chat. Pink everything! (Obviously the frontrunner.)

DZ Discovery Zone. Minus that I’m terrified of slides, static electricity, and the deep end of the ball pit…. Oh God, no! Nevermind! Why did I even PICK this!?

So, pooblic! I’m waiting with bated breath for your oopinions and inpoot! Let me know which place to book! No rush tho, really. We’re not that close. Also, after we choose the venue I really have no clue what to do next! God! Is there a book on how to do this or something!?

***UPDATE to the POOBLIC***

Look what came in the mail today—just LOOK!!

It was my idea first! I had been planning for months! And all that research I did on how to throw getting married parties! All I wanted was to give my favorite human I’ve ever know the fabulous princess party she deserves and it’s been STRIPPED away from me! Oh… I feel a haiku coming on.

Maggie and wedding
Party I cannot throw you
Will there be champagne?

So deep. Straight to the core. Well I guess this party will have to do. Cheers, girl!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Shining star, jingle bell!

Oh heyyyy everyone! Hey. So can you even believe how long ago Thanksgiving was?? No, I can't believe it! I've been sooo busy, what with the cloob-hopping, and the Project Roonways. By the way, the season has been getting better and better as more and more people are eliminated so Joshie gets more screen time! You go, Joosh! I mean, give me the break, just let Josh win the whole thing and call it early! Why drag it on with Uli and Poofyhair-bowtie-man??

So anyway, this was SO NOT my point. My point is, this Thanksgiving I was running around the house, crying, being charming as usual, and everyone was ignoring me! It made me think, goosh, what do I have to be thankful for? the scraps of dry turkey that family that lives with me would throw me from the table?? No! Everything I have in my life, I earned! Including my soulful spirit and my champion good looks.

But then I looked at the Thanksgiving Twitter tweets coming from all my fellow celebs Lady Gaga and Poof Daddy and Mila Jovokojoke, and they were all being thankful or giving a thank for this or that, and I thought, hey, even if you're naturally beautiful, like me, you should still give thanks! It was like that part of the Grinch, except with Twitter.
So I made a list of things I was thankful for and I waited until the next major holiday to release it. And guess what guys, Christmas already happened and I MISSED POOSTING! Hoh nooo! Well, I'm doing it anyway.

So here's what I'm thankful for:
  1. Me Myself and I: first and foremost, me, for all the upkeep I have to do to keep myself most beautiful. If I don't look out for myself, no one will! Except Rizzo sometimes when I'm tired.
  2. The people that pour my milk everyday: I don't know any of their names, but what would I do without my beauty milk?? How would I get my strong bones and shiny cooat? It dooes a boody goood! My one complaint: how have they not gotten me my own Got Milk ad yet?? Sooch a wasted opportunity.
  3. Tyra Banks: for finally bringing Bryan Boy the recognition he deserves!
  4. NOT Fergie: stop cooping up Joosh Duhamel already! Let him spread his wings and talent and fly!
I think that's everything. Okay guys, toodles oontil the New Year! Be happy and safe and keep poosting comments!

Monday, December 10, 2012

I'm going for a whole new style!!

What’s that? The pooblic is begging me for another bloog? Well that’s to be expected.

Well, adoring fans you’re in for quite the little treat today! Because if you remember, that a few poosts ago I was all mopey with all the cold and the mooshy cereal? Remember?! Yea well nothing says pick me up like some retail therapy! At the beauty parlor! It’s a thing. Anyway, me myself and my personal stylist (that I have) took the whole afternoon experimenting with a whole new look!!! So this time, more than a ‘by-the-books’ bloog, it’s more like an art gallery. Prepare to be moved and inspired.

So here’s just me—NO make-up, no NOTHING! OMG I can’t believe I’m showing this! That’s just how confident I am people.

Here I tried out some luscious locks by Jessica Simpson brand extensions. I liked them, but goosh people, can’t you just see what the pooparootzi would say? “Jooey trying to be Jessica” “Who’s this? Jooey or Jessica?” “Hello, Jooey, Jessica already did that look a million years ago”

Besides. I’m not a bloonde! I have a deeper more sultry and mysterious side! A side that calls for purple pig-tails! Oookay, I know what you’re saying pooblic—“Too sexy! Pull back! The boys are only thinking about one thing!” Well THANK YOU, Pooblic. You’re so right.

So I decided to go with a happy middle-ground place! Sultry yet still vibing off Jessica! So this is going to be my every day look. But how to hide from the pooparootzi?! Obviously, stupid pooblic, with accessories. Don’t you people know anything!?

So here is my hide from the poopz look. DON’T remember this look—I just wanna be like everyone else! And also enjoy my non-fat no whip choca-mocha soy latte! And with this look I can do both. You get the best of both worlds! Omg, I just got what Miley was talking about all those years. Soo wise.

Then I have Sunday brunch with the girls... Well, Rizzo, anyway. Had to pick out something fab-u-lous to let them (him) know I’m still the best out in the group (of just us)! Here’s what I went with. I title it ‘Effortless Elegance’ Wow. I mean, wooow. Moved yet, pooblic?

Ooh my goosh. Well that’s about it for today. Just KIDDING! Of course there’s the big finale! Well the family I let live with me is having this big Christmas party for some other people that used to live with them blah blah. I wasn’t that clear on the details. Anyway a big fancy party and of course you know who is at the top of the guest list? Moi! So said stylist and I had to find something extra special. And I’m pretty sure we did just that. I can’t wait to see all the faces of those people I don’t know when I come walking thru the door dripping in pearls! And a tiara.

Wow, Joey—WHAT a finale! Amaaaazing! I did it again!!!! Leave lots of comments below! Which look is your fave? Don’t you think I look better than Jessica as a bloonde? Which look do you think Joshua would like best?

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Fashions Most Influential Blooger-- ME!

Hey Pooblic. I’m back with another bloog! Lucky yooou!
Well for those of you who are keeping up with Project Runways All-stars Season 2 and my beautiful Joshua, thank you all for the love and support. It means the world to us. (Cheers for Joshua for being best as always even though the joodges hardly look at him. Your time to shine will come, Joshie! Jeers to the new All-Stars hostess for talking to the contestants like they’re retarted. Could she speak any slower?! God! I’m losing years just listening to her! I’ll be coompletely white by the end of the series!

No! Shut up! Onto the real topic! When not watching Joshua, I also watch other important shows! Like America’s Next Top Model: College Edition. Well this season is all new and wacky crazy style! Who would expect less from Tyra. She’s so unpredictable! Like me! So yea, the biggest and most wacky crazy of the new style are the new judges and judging style. First of all the big desk is gone, second of all, all the people sitting behind it are different!!!

It took a little getting used to, but I think it soon became very clear to me as well as the rest of America who the new breakout star of ANTM:CE is.

You KNOW I’m talking about fashion's most influencial blogger Bryanboy!!! Haven’t you heard of him?

I think he was a bit shy to start. In the beginning he really was just doing his job and giving the feedback of the social media score. But as the series went on he really let go and just started saying his own opinion like the judge he should be! He hardly even commented on the social media thing! Yea, you go Bryanboy! Halfway through the show he rolled his eyes when his favorite girl left and some other poo-poo stuck around, making the poo-poo cry and all the girls think he’s a total unprofess biotch. I say right on, brother! It’s always so “would the industry like her?” “can she make it in the business?” It should be more “that was my favorite girl! She needs to stay!” Someone tell Tyra. So obviously if he doesn’t get renewed for the next million cycles I’ll be devastated and confused. Why would I want to see some low-resolution videos of teenagers saying fiece this and smize that when I could listen to Bryanboy’s completely bias and, might I add, wise opinion.

Ciao for now! See you in Cycle 20, Bryanboy!