Shining star, jingle bell!

Oh heyyyy everyone! Hey. So can you even believe how long ago Thanksgiving was?? No, I can't believe it! I've been sooo busy, what with the cloob-hopping, and the Project Roonways. By the way, the season has been getting better and better as more and more people are eliminated so Joshie gets more screen time! You go, Joosh! I mean, give me the break, just let Josh win the whole thing and call it early! Why drag it on with Uli and Poofyhair-bowtie-man??

So anyway, this was SO NOT my point. My point is, this Thanksgiving I was running around the house, crying, being charming as usual, and everyone was ignoring me! It made me think, goosh, what do I have to be thankful for? the scraps of dry turkey that family that lives with me would throw me from the table?? No! Everything I have in my life, I earned! Including my soulful spirit and my champion good looks.

But then I looked at the Thanksgiving Twitter tweets coming from all my fellow celebs Lady Gaga and Poof Daddy and Mila Jovokojoke, and they were all being thankful or giving a thank for this or that, and I thought, hey, even if you're naturally beautiful, like me, you should still give thanks! It was like that part of the Grinch, except with Twitter.

So I made a list of things I was thankful for and I waited until the next major holiday to release it. And guess what guys, Christmas already happened and I MISSED POOSTING! Hoh nooo! Well, I'm doing it anyway.

So here's what I'm thankful for:

1. Me Myself and I: first and foremost, me, for all the upkeep I have to do to keep myself most beautiful. If I don't look out for myself, no one will! Except Rizzo sometimes when I'm tired.
2. The people that pour my milk everyday: I don't know any of their names, but what would I do without my beauty milk?? How would I get my strong bones and shiny cooat? It dooes a boody goood! My one complaint: how have they not gotten me my own Got Milk ad yet?? Sooch a wasted opportunity.
3. Tyra Banks: for finally bringing Bryan Boy the recognition he deserves!
4. NOT Fergie: stop cooping up Joosh Duhamel already! Let him spread his wings and talent and fly!

I think that's everything. Okay guys, toodles oontil the New Year! Be happy and safe and keep poosting comments!

I'm going for a whole new style!!

What’s that? The pooblic is begging me for another bloog? Well that’s to be expected.

Well, adoring fans you’re in for quite the little treat today! Because if you remember, that a few poosts ago I was all mopey with all the cold and the mooshy cereal? Remember?! Yea well nothing says pick me up like some retail therapy! At the beauty parlor! It’s a thing. Anyway, me myself and my personal stylist (that I have) took the whole afternoon experimenting with a whole new look!!! So this time, more than a ‘by-the-books’ bloog, it’s more like an art gallery. Prepare to be moved and inspired.

So here’s just me—NO make-up, no NOTHING! OMG I can’t believe I’m showing this! That’s just how confident I am people.

Here I tried out some luscious locks by Jessica Simpson brand extensions. I liked them, but goosh people, can’t you just see what the pooparootzi would say? “Jooey trying to be Jessica” “Who’s this? Jooey or Jessica?” “Hello, Jooey, Jessica already did that look a million years ago”

Besides. I’m not a bloonde! I have a deeper more sultry and mysterious side! A side that calls for purple pig-tails! Oookay, I know what you’re saying pooblic—“Too sexy! Pull back! The boys are only thinking about one thing!” Well THANK YOU, Pooblic. You’re so right.

So I decided to go with a happy middle-ground place! Sultry yet still vibing off Jessica! So this is going to be my every day look. But how to hide from the pooparootzi?! Obviously, stupid pooblic, with accessories. Don’t you people know anything!?

So here is my hide from the poopz look. DON’T remember this look—I just wanna be like everyone else! And also enjoy my non-fat no whip choca-mocha soy latte! And with this look I can do both. You get the best of both worlds! Omg, I just got what Miley was talking about all those years. Soo wise.

Then I have Sunday brunch with the girls... Well, Rizzo, anyway. Had to pick out something fab-u-lous to let them (him) know I’m still the best out in the group (of just us)! Here’s what I went with. I title it ‘Effortless Elegance’ Wow. I mean, wooow. Moved yet, pooblic?

Ooh my goosh. Well that’s about it for today. Just KIDDING! Of course there’s the big finale! Well the family I let live with me is having this big Christmas party for some other people that used to live with them blah blah. I wasn’t that clear on the details. Anyway a big fancy party and of course you know who is at the top of the guest list? Moi! So said stylist and I had to find something extra special. And I’m pretty sure we did just that. I can’t wait to see all the faces of those people I don’t know when I come walking thru the door dripping in pearls! And a tiara.

Wow, Joey—WHAT a finale! Amaaaazing! I did it again!!!! Leave lots of comments below! Which look is your fave? Don’t you think I look better than Jessica as a bloonde? Which look do you think Joshua would like best?

caught on films!

Ugh oh my no! So I can't believe this happened to me. I got cooght by the paparootzi! Look at these terrible terrible photos they took of me:

I know you are thinking, Joey, why are you posting these terrible terrible things that have been happened to you? Has the press even pooblished these yet?? The answer is no! No they haven't. I am being proactive, people! Look it up in a book!

First of all, I want to say, it's not like I do this thing often! In fact, it was on a dare! It was all MILO's fault! He was all, ooh, heyy, I'm soo roosian and toough, I can do anything I vant! And I was like, so what mr. toough man!! Anything you can drink out of the toilet I can do better AND PRETTIER! So ya, it vasn't my proudest mooment, but whatevs! I'm a wild and crazy guy and you can never predict what I'm going to do next! I can't let some silly photo pictures get this party man down!

Second of all, I wrote a poem to the paparootzi to let them know they have not ruined my life and also how much I hate them. I might make it into a song later, I haven't decided.

Prepare to enter the turbulent mind of a tortured, beautiful genius!

Ahem. I call it, "Papa, paparootzi."

Paparootzi
You try to make me look bad
But you're the one who looks bad
Because of your stupid face
Go! Go away! Your face is so dumb!
You are nothing like the Lady Gaga song
Which makes you sound cool
But you are not!
Who even takes pictures of someone in the bathroom?
I mean who???
Even if the person is really cute and sexy cool?
I understand you now, Lindsay
Call me
We can have secret lunches where we wear big sunglasses and then go shopping on rodeo drive!

GENIUS!!! Oh. I hope Lindsay really does read it. Lindsay, I'm sooch a fan! So looking forward to Liz & Dick~!

It’s getting cold and I hate it! I hate everything!

Well since it’s another ~*~*~*~ThReE dAyS~*~*~*~ until my only saving light, seeing Joshua on Project Runway All-stars (Watch it~!), I have absolutely nothing to be happy about. In fact, I thought I would take this time to talk about all the things I hate about it getting cold recently. How dare it!

Firstly, cloudiness. Why does it have to be ugly just because it’s cold? Don’t you think it’s hard enough for me to get through the week without Josh? Is it so much to ask for some warm dramatically lit sunny-rays to lie in my self-pity with? I don’t think so.

Nextly, pretty model girls who wear stockings and shorts even though it’s negative a million out here! Trust me, I know how important it is to be on top of your fashion game at all times—I practically wrote the book! But just looking at you is giving me shivers down my little Dootch spine! Do you think your gloowing good looks and perfect smiles will fool us? Or that by wearing silly hats you just won’t feel the frostbite spreading over your lower boody? Well I’ve tried all these techniques and none of them worked!

It just makes me so angry! Especially that one in the middle, don’t get me started!

Lastly is obviously cereal with a little 1% lowfat milk. Infuriating!

Ookay, I can already hear it "But Jooey, you love cereal!" "But Jooey, you've been eating like a house recently" "Hey Jooey, why don't you just eat something else?" Well it's not that easy, people! I don’t just get up in the morning had have a huge house full of servants!

But actually I only have one or two and they always serve the same exact thing! Honestly, 9 times out of 10 it’s perfectly fine! I eat to my bird-like appetites content and continue on with the rest of my fabulous day. But recently my cereal is just mocking me! It seems to say “Ooh, someone sure seems cold getting out from your floofy bed with Rizzo. How about some cold mushiness with a side of shame and disappointment?” What would Josh do! I’m pretty much poositive that he would never eat this soggy mess.

Oh and this whole dummy stupid post has just put me in a yucky mood. ….maybe I’ll get a makeover. Or a mani-pedi this afternoon.

Keep those comments flooowing!

Spooky times!

So hey loyal fans—thanks for everyone who has been checking the page for updates every single day. But you know I’m really much too busy for such poo poo blogs. Well I guess I have a few minutes. So its fall now people! This is the season I really get to shine I mean, I can play all spooky Halloweeny in the October, and then I just look fantastic in all the leaves in November? It’s a visual smorgasbord for that papz!

So back to Halloween, jeez. So you know I take my costumes very seriously. It’s more like art really. Remember when I went as the reindeer a few years back with my little red bell collar? And then the year I went as the little cat from sailor moon? Well, shes mostly black, but I have some black and white. It’s my heritage! My ancestors must have been snow leopards or something! If you compare pictures, we have a similar wild fire in our eyes. Whatever, I’m not gonna spend my life being a color, Macaulay Culkin!

So this year, for my art, I really looked deep inside my tiny cloob-looving German/Dutch heart and said Hey! I should be the little Mr. Peanut man!! He matches my persona to a tee!

Obviously this was a big hit with just about everyone. Except everyboody in the cloob gets so rowdy! And then all the boys—even a few cutie pa-tooties— are all Heey, let me try on your hat! Excuse me no! Hat hair! Plus about thirty booby pins. Dream on, dreamy!

Hopefully I’ll post again soon with some pictures of me playing in the snow, you know, getting back to my roots!

One Flew Over the Me Nest!

That means I'm feeling crazy cuckoo, you guys. It's a thing. You can start saying it, but look out! You have to read books to get it. Or watch icky Jack Nickelson movies. Oh gross. I'd rather not!

So why am I feeling like such a crazy cuckoo bird? Well first of all, summer is OVER, and I did not get ONE ounce of tan! Secondly, no Nina Garcia on Project Runway this week. Whaaat? PLUS, they only showed like two seconds of Josh M, my fave! Did no one get the memo that he is obviously the most fabulous?

Don't worry Joshua--I get you.

But no, honestly, the worst part about everything was that, ick, there was a touch of humidity today and I totally frizzed out. Ugh. I couldn't even go out of the garage. I mean, the whole hurricane thing was terrible (who is even named Irene anymore??) but at least after that there was no humidity for a few days! Back then my beautiful mane was booncin' and behavin'. But today I couldn't even face the world! I mean all I could literally do was cry! And then eat some dry food and take a nap in the air conditioning. So still no tan! What is a tiny handsome kitten* to do?


*I am yooung at heart, people

Working on my fitness

So I'm deciding to get really fit this summer! Beach boody season is just waiting around the corner, and now is not the time to slack! But it's soooo hard to exercise. First, I had to buy all the right outfits and accessories so I'd look really good, like tiny custom-fit wristbands for each of my adorable little paws? Ya. So that all took about a week. And then right when I was going to go for a jog, it was drizzly outside! So I decided to try again in a couple of days AND THEN it got really hot! I was outside for like two seconds and already I was all sweaty. No thank you, yuck!

So then I remembered, hey, why go through all the hustle and fussle of working out like a common person when I can do something that really makes me look good and just dance away the calories? I just turned on the Kylie Minogue and got moving!

This was me being like, Rizzo, be dancing with me! What is your prooblem??? Are you the Queen of Sheba or something?? Anyway, ohh my goosh, don't I look so totally skinny already?? This is going great! I'm off to download Madonna's immaculate collection (I can't believe I don't already have it!) and load it on to my iPod, ciao people!

Spring has Sproong!

Heey you guys!!

If you all are anything like me, which let's say you are even though yuck you're probably totally boring. What? So if you're anything like me you've noticed that it's time to be getting warm and time to get that bikini bod back!!! Can you believe it? The sun is out and flowers too!!! Ohmigosh you guys, I am pale as a ghoost from being so cooped up for za w~i~n~t~e~r!! Check it out this old picture when I was so young and skinny!




NOW LOOK AT ME!?!?! OMIGOSH I can't even believe I am posting this!!!!




Anyway! I can only do that because you are all of my adoring pooblic and you guys are the reason that i do all i do! Like go on this new diet of almonds and acaid berry shakes for three weeks! A jump start for the summer rays!!!

Hope you all get as fabulous as I'll be! Mwah!

Baby V

I had a dream last night about Vanessa Hudgens. And then I woke up! Hahaha! It's a JOKE you guys, lighten oop! But seriously, when is she going to do another album already? She's living this vonderful dream life, coodling up to Zac Efron, hanging out with Ashley Tisdale, and she's just forgetting all about her fans! Would Demi Lovato let this happen? No.

I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking! Next time I see her (we're close) I'm going to tell her a piece of my mind!

Another bad thing that happened

Oh my gosh, so yesterday I saw that two of the stupid people in my house were in the basement playing some silly Tetris type thing, so naturally I came downstairs and ran past them and cried to show them I was interested. They didn't look over, but they knew I was there of course. So THEN the one with the stupid face was like "oh my gosh, totally forgot Joey was in this game!" And I was all like, "what did you say girlfriend??" They were talking about a tiny moontain climber who cries and is soo annoying!

Why would they compare me to him? It's so unfair! I was so steamed about it that I cried at them for twelve whole minutes! Then I rubbed up against one of their chairs, and one of them tried to touch me and I ran away. That will teach them a lesson!

I liked it better when they compared me to Muffy.

Feeling soo stressed!

Hey fan world. I can't even be thinking straight because of all the stressing I'm doing today! Let you hear this-- first off, this morning was mixed grill food-- two days in a row! And I made these whiney noises that everyone loves and no one did anything to appease me! No milk, no other food options-- no nothing! They wouldn't even watch me! It was dreadful. Just a mess. Anyway so I slept it off for the last six hours but now I'm awake again and upset. So i thought hey! why not fill in my adoring pooblic that it's not all glam and glitz on this side of fame! Sometimes it's such a bore!

PS You may notice that half my entries have cool graphics and pictures and half are boring and dullsville? It's to keep you all interested, of course! It's not that I don't have things to post at all times. Gosh, you guys.

New Banner!

Hey! So hey, check it oot, everyboody! I made myself a new banner. Yah, so I know I'm already a model, but I like being a designer too. I do my own graphic work! I thought, hey, you know this bloog is missing something, and it's more of me and my movie star looks! It was so bland before. Now it's interesting! I know, it's kind of misleading because I make it look so easy to look this good, but it can be hard. So don't feel so bad about yourself.

Anyway, I have a load of plans for tonight, so I can't just hang around and loaf!

Just another manic friday

Hello adoring people of the internet!

As you can guess, Friday nights are cloobing nights for a hot trotting tuxedo wearing macho cat such as me! I have soo many invites to the hottest cloobs that I can't even decide on just two! So I was thinking, to keep from all the jealousy, I might just cry around the house tonight, sit on my bed, or maybe near food. Yea, sometimes the excitement of being me is too mach and then I need a break! It's not like I don't have plans tho. Don't get it twisted, my pooblic.

Besides there's ANTM marathon tonight! Tyra just speaks to me, what can I say? I'm going for Jasleen, she reminds me so much of myself if I was at all girly or latina. And if she were more Robert Patterson-like. Actually I'm like a lot of famous people.

Well I've gone on too long! Tootles!

Make it Work

Oh my gosh, I'm so glad Project Runway is back in New York this season. What was everyone thinking with LA? Yuck! This way I can hop a train up to New York and hang out around Mode and maybe I'll see everyone! And plus Nina and Michael.

People compare me to Heidi Klum, I guess because of the accent and plus the charisma thing.

I also get Robert Patterson a lot.

Hello World!

Heyyy guys, it's me, Joey! I'm using the internet now! I feel like I should have a blog, because I'm very interesting, and cool, and lots of people like me already, so now more people can like me!

So what is it can I tell you about myself? Well, I'm tiny, and I look like I'm wearing a tuxedo, and I have a thick German accent. So I sound like Heidi Klum, which is the best! I have three roommates who are terrible except Rizzo is nice and so is Milo, but George is awful! The worst! Ick. No, I don't even want to talk about him.

Hey look I took this picture of myself!

It's me saying, hello sexy world, I'm sexy too! Oh my gosh. It's so hard to take a picture of yourself! but actually I'm pretty good at it so it was no big deal.

Some people say I'm whiney and evil, but they're wrong! George, you are so wrong. Don't even say a thing to me!